Girlfriends and Relationship with God

I had originally wanted to write about my girlfriend, but God came out instead. Figures. It’s not entirely unrelated though. People sometimes don’t understand how Christians can be so fanatic about their God. But how can you not be fanatic about someone that wonderful? God is real, very much so. It’s not one of those things you proof, but it’s one of those things that is quite obvious once you have experienced it, kind of like a girlfriend.

People say girlfriends take up a lot of time and money… and patience, compromise, commitment, blah. It doesn’t take up a lot of money if you are smart about it (and fair). Plus, what’s a few bucks compared to seeing her happy? As for time… That’s true, it takes up a lot of time. But it’s all worth it! Why wouldn’t I want to spend all day with the girl that I like? It’s something that makes me happy. It’s the exact same with God. Why wouldn’t I want to spend all day with someone who not only makes me happy, but loves me so much more than I love Him?

You can say he’s not real and that he’s a crutch for those that can’t get through life. I challenge those who know me to say that. My faith is not blind, I have actual reasons for believing. And my God is not a crutch, I feel the happiest and most at peace when I’m praying or reading the Bible or just plain conversing with God. You want happiness? Pursue God. You want peace, have a relationship with Him. Like a girlfriend, you can think of a million reasons why it is disadvantageous. But once you step into that relationship, if it’s the right girl, those become non-issues. It’s the same for God.

Original: http://tcfish.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-my-girlfriend-taught-me-today.html

True Bachelor

After living alone for a few months, here's what I realized are things applies to a lot of bachelors out there. I'd like to clarify that the following may or may not be things I do, they are just observations...

1. Sometimes doesn't eat a meal not because he forgets, but because he is lazy and doesn't want to cook or spend the effort digesting.

2. Makes up for point #1 by eating tons and tons of meat when he does eat. And when he is seemingly out of meat, he digs through the freezer to find potentially 8-month old meat. Then he eats that... raw.

3. Takes off his shirt when he gets home from work, and then proceeds to cook, eat, clean, and even do some housework, all the while remaining shirtless. Who cares if the hot oil gets on his skin, at least it's not on his favorite shirt.

4. Goes a minimum of two days before showering. There is no upper limit, nor should there be one. Also never closes the door when in the bathroom, why should he?

5. Never gets bored because he can always find something to occupy himself with whether it be watching Anime, playing video games, programming, grunting, flexing, or applying expensive face cream.

6. Thinks of the most disgusting things that he does and not only does he do it as often as he pleases, he writes about it in an effort to repulse the world with his actions. Why? Because he's a man.

7. Wonders to himself how any girl could possibly like him.

Original: http://tcfish.blogspot.com/2011/06/true-bachelor.html

長大

小朋友總是相信大人所說的每一句話。
不管是聖誕老人的存在或著是吞掉鼻涕會生恐龍蛋，甚至連奇蹟都會相信。
他們會用充滿喜樂的眼神看著你，那滿臉期待得樣子沒有一絲毫疑惑。
他們不會因為害羞而不敢要求，反而會直接說出真心話。
這種單純不就是Mark 10:14所說的嗎？

所以...
他們不會擔心，因為大人說不會有事的。
他們不會傷心，因為有隻大而有力的手緊緊的牽著他們。
他們不會害怕，因為這隻手曾帶他們走過死蔭的幽谷。
他們不會絕望，因為他們還相信有奇蹟。

我到底是什麼時候長大的...
不, 我還是小孩，嗯。

Original: http://tcfish.blogspot.com/2011/06/blog-post.html

My Dad

God is not a concept. Nor is He a crutch for those unable to get by life on their own. And He is definitely not this mysterious, false entity that humans attribute to things they can't explain. He is someone we can have a relationship with and can get to know. He is Jesus and He is real. This is not a post to defend God or to convince people to believe, but only to retell what had happened. This is the story of how my dad came to know God, told from the perspective of a son who has craved this since he first believed.

My dad was Buddhist in the overwhelmingly traditional Taiwanese household he grew up in, turning agnostic and accepting of all religions as he started to think for himself. He was a realist, only facing only problems that arose in front of him, things that occur in everyday life. His spiritual state remained thus for many years, that is until he met the only Christian in my household: my mom. The thing is, his parents hate Christians; so much that my mom was not allowed to go to church or talk about Jesus after they got married. My mom however has always told my dad how she would pray for him and how the God she knows can help in many situations. My dad was still agnostic at this point, but really just listening to everything she said but responding to nothing.

From my conversations with him, he was adamant that we humans are the ones who, with our willpower, wills things to happen. And he refused anything I said about God being real and always referred to God as a human construct. Granted I didn't have a lot of time with him because shortly after I became a Christian, I left for the States. But still, my memories of him was of someone who would deny God to his grave, not a whole lot unlike my brother.

I know little else about what my mom has told my dad all these years, but I know what I told him three years ago. Most of you may already know this, but I used to be a student at Georgia Tech. Due to certain circumstances, I had to leave not just the school, but the country too. This was after three and a half years at that university and it sucked, a lot. I might go into more detail just how much this devastated me later, but the focus is on my dad right now. So three years ago, after God broke and remade me, I started fervently witnessing to my dad. At that time, I've been away to school and away from home for so long it almost felt alien to be living in the same house my parents lived in. My dad still never went to church with me the whole year I was with him but God's word was spoken in the house a lot.

In 2009, when I was in the airport ready to leave for Canada, my dad and I sat in McDonald's eating overpriced Big Mac's. I started telling him how much God meant to me and how real I think he is. I urged him to reconsider God and to ask my mom about it if he has any questions. This would probably be the last time my whole family lived together under the same roof, and I wanted my farewell to mean something. Later on that year I found out from my mom that my dad has been going to church, that he has even said things like "快點, 每次教會都遲到!" ("Hurry up, we're always late for church!") I was in Montreal at that time and I remember crying a bit then. My dad was going to church, and not just once or twice, but consistently!

Every once in a while my mom would tell me updates about how my dad is doing spiritually and it's always exciting to hear things like "We were praying for you today". The fact that he is even praying with my mom means that he's talking to God. He's seriously considering Christianity? The God conversation at the airport stuck? I didn't know what to think and that's when I remembered a prayer I made at Georgia Tech. I used to do Bible studies with my parents there and after one of those, I remembered being brought to my knees, tears streaming down my eyes and praying to God:

"God, you know my heart. You know how much I want this. Even my D-group members know this. I pray, I beg of you: Save my dad. I don't care what it takes. I don't care if I have to give up everything. I don't care if I have to leave the school and all my academics for my dad. I'd rather not have to die but God, if that's what it takes, so be it. Save him God..."

It went something like that, but longer and much less intelligible. God had answered my prayer. Without what had happened to me in the States I would not have had the opportunity to witness so much to him in Malaysia. And my family would not be in Canada now, my dad would not be going to church every week. If my grandparents found out, they'd be so pissed, probably a lot more pissed than when I refused to worship an idol. The work He was doing in my dad's heart was awesome and almost miraculous. Thinking back now, I totally underestimated God. You see, about a month ago, my dad accepted Christ.

My dad is saved! He is now a Christian! I'll be able to see him again in Heaven!

I went around to a lot of people just telling them the news. It was just that exciting. Now I'm just sitting in the living room, typing out all this and being reminded of just how awesome it is that my dad is a Christian. I've prayed, I've begged, I've wept for my dad for eight years. And it was way too long. I can't even imagine what it's like for my mom who has been doing it for much longer. But I do know that God is faithful, just looks at Acts 16:31. I know a lot of you has loved ones out there who refuses to believe and might even hate God. But I know for a fact that my God is mighty to save. He saved me and now my dad. You are no exception.

Original: http://tcfish.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-dad.html

To come

So much to write about, so much to tell. But with time flying by, I can hardly write well. In fact, over the past few years the caliber of my writing has fallen so much that if my old self were to read it, he would sigh, weep, and finally slap me in the face, disowning me for regressing so far back. Alas, that is not the main reason I'm writing. "At least one blog entry per month."

In a few days I'll write more, specifically about my dad, my roommate, my God, and my apparently amazing/adorable white friend... not necessarily in that order.

Original: http://tcfish.blogspot.com/2011/04/to-come.html

Addicted to Love

Hi, I'm Tony and I have a love addiction.

Despite knowing nothing about what love means, I find myself inextricably tied to it. I cannot live life without loving people. That is at any point in time there has to be someone that I love, that I care about. Lucky for me, I have a great family to both love and from which to receive the same, if not more. Furthermore, I have God, not that we loved him, but that he loved us. But the love I speak of is not mere love among family, nor is it platonic, nor is it Godly. As much as I hate to admit, it is often of a romantic nature.

I need someone to love, to care about, to pour my life into. I want to protect her, to comfort her, to see her smile, make her laugh, share her pain, and to simply hold her hand through life. I want to make sure that she knows that she'll always have someone to complain to, that when the world hates her I will love her, that in times when I fail God will not. To love a girl and submit to one another in perfect love, the kind of love that drives out fear. That type of love! That is what I want. The sad part is that I find myself falling in love with this image I have.

I love the concept of being in love. I love the idea of loving someone, the feeling of being loved back. I love having a person to share life with and to always be around. But this concept has long evolved from its original pure form... it has long lost all semblance of love. It almost seems that I treat having a love as more important than who that love is. It's as if all I need is to have love and that the direction of the love is irrelevant. Has the concept of love replaced the object that I am to love?

I have fallen in love with ministry and lost sight of why I'm doing it. I have fallen in love with leading bible studies, with memorizing scripture, with reading the Bible. That love has replaced the person that I'm doing it all for. I have fallen in love with knowledge and not with knowing God.

No, this is not love. It can't be. Love is about the person, not the motions we go through. Whether it is with her or with God, I will not fall in love with love itself. I refuse. Perhaps one day, when I finally break this addiction, I'll stop looking for substitutes and go for the real thing.

Original: http://tcfish.blogspot.com/2011/03/addicted-to-love.html

Recess

Last night was a night of Inception, Rock Band, and ping pong. This morning I had Catan, followed by meditation. A few nights before that, Conan and I had a nice conversation about relationships, after which I am more certain of the type of person I am, and with it the height from which I've fallen. The metaphorical ledge from which I've leapt was guided not just by faith (though I'd like to believe), but also by my encumbering pride, the one thing I feel I could never let go.

But my life is different, that I have no doubt. If you knew me before, you'd know that after I decided to follow Christ, my life has changed for the better. I view things with a new lens, the purpose of life is clearer. We are more than just masses of tissue, than chains of amino acids, than just carbon bonds waiting to be broken. No, there is more to life than this. The hate we have for injustice, the joy we share with our friends, the love we have for our family, the emptiness we feel even after the most epic of galactic battles... these emotions penetrates and will perpetuate throughout the rest of our lives.

My life is different. But in so many ways they remain the same. I still have the same need for gaming, the same fervor for logical reasoning, the same condescension for those around me, the same paradoxical behaviors that make up who I am. I want a 4.0 GPA but refuse to study diligently. I teach discipline but often fall to negligence. I like solitude but cannot help being with people, talking to those I care about, and missing those I like. Perhaps I should rephrase: I am not interested in a relationship right now but my subconscious seems to tell me otherwise. Not that I see anything bad with that last point, I am merely drawing attention to my own inconsistencies. As Cobb from Inception would put it: "It's my subconscious. Remember, I can't control it." And I assure you, you have no idea what I lock away in that safe in the darkest recesses of my mind. No idea.

Though following tradition, what I wrote is purposefully ambiguous, I can say this: I have many flawed fibers in my being, the imperfections I hide seeps out like a plague any time I fail to pay attention. Sometimes I'm forced to wonder: who will take me in this state? I myself am my biggest enemy. And who can save me from myself? 

But I know I can take refuge in the fact that someone already has. It will at least be a peaceful recess until my doubts creep in again.

My thought process