Spurgeon's Heart

I'm going through old notes that I've written on Facebook, way back when I used to write about God so often. Here's one about one of my favorite preachers:

My Evangelist

by Tony Chuang on Friday, April 6, 2007 at 5:09pm 

Charles!!! You in my head!

Charles Spurgeon is an amazing person in terms of his perspective on things. He sees this world as it actually is and knows what is needed of Christians. He says things better than I can so I shall just quote him to show what I believe.

"Listen for one moment to the ticking of that clock! It is the beating on the pulse of eternity. It is the footstep of death pursuing you! Each time the clock ticks, death's footsteps are falling on the ground close behind you!" "Heaven and hell are not far away. You may be in heaven before the clock ticks again it is so near. Oh, that we, instead of trifling about such things because they seem so far away, would solemnly realize them, since they are so very near! This very day, before the sun goes down, some hearer now sitting in this place may see the realities of heaven or hell."

"You want to honor Him, you desire to put crowns upon his head, and this you can best do by winning souls for Him. These are the spoils that He covets, these are the trophies for which He fights, these are the jewels that shall be His best adornment." "Etiquette nowadays often demands of a Christian that he should not intrude his religion on company. Out on such etiquette! It is the etiquette of hell. True courtesy to my fellow's soul makes me speak to him, if I believe that soul to be in danger." "Having joined the church of God, are any of you satisfied to be silent? Are you content to let those around you sink to hell? What! Never tell of Christ's love? What! Never speak of salvation to your own children? Can this be right? In God's name, wake up! What are you left on this earth for? If there is nothing for you to do, why are you in this sinful world?" “No sort of defense is needed for preaching out-of-doors; but it would need very potent arguments to prove that a man had done his duty who has never preached beyond the walls of his meetinghouse.”

"You cannot stop their dying, but, oh, that God might help you stop their being damed! You cannot stop the breath from going out of their bodies, but, oh, if the Gospel could but stop their souls from going down to destruction!" “Lost! Lost! Lost! Better a whole world on fire than a soul lost! Better every star quenched and the skies a wreck than a single soul to be lost!” "If we had to preach to thousands year after year, and never rescued but one soul, that one soul would be full reward for all our labor, for a soul is of countless price." “I would sooner bring one sinner to Jesus Christ than unravel all the mysteries of the divine Word, for salvation is the one thing we are to live for.” “To be laughed at is no great hardship to me. I can delight in scoffs and jeers. Caricatures, lampoons, and slanders are my glory. But that you should turn from your own mercy, this is my sorrow. Spit on me, but, oh, repent! Laugh at me, but, oh, believe in my Master! Make my body as the dirt of the streets, but damn not your own souls!”

“If then, you will be damned, let me have this one thing as a consolation for your misery… that you are not damned for lack of calling after; you are not lost for the lack of weeping after, and not lost for the lack of praying after.” “If sinners will be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our bodies.” “And if they will perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, at least let it be filled with the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go there unwarned or unprayed for.”

“Have you no wish for others to be saved? Then you are not saved yourself. Be sure of that.” "The saving of souls, if a man has once gained love to perishing sinners and his blessed Master, will be an all-absorbing passion to him. It will so carry him away, that he will almost forget himself in the saving of others." "If you never have sleepless hours, if you never have weeping eyes, if your hearts never swell as if they would burst, you need not anticipate that you will be called zealous. You do not know the beginning of true zeal, for the foundation of Christian zeal lies in the heart. The heart must be heavy with grief and yet must beat high with holy ardor. The heart must be vehement in desire, panting continually for God's glory, or else we shall never attain to anything like the zeal which God would have us to know."


Think about this, then act. Evangelize. Let no one see hell if we can help it. Show caring, not indifference; love, not complacency.

Acts 16:31

I was challenged on the interpretation on a verse today, and I am happy. I'm also proud of the person who challenged me, and thankful too. We teachers should be held accountable and if we are wrong, we better be corrected! Now... about the verse:

Acts 16:31
And they said, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household."

You're right in saying that Paul was more talking about the fact that the jailer's family can get in on this whole salvation business too. And I do think it's more of a localized promise rather than something general that is "do A to get B". However, I think we CAN apply this directly. When a person believes, he will show change in his life. Change should be so apparent that non-Christians should not be able to ignore it. And for one's family, the ones who are in contact with the person the most, they are going to feel the impact of the change the most. In addition, that person should not be able to shut up about God. That person, if truly saved, will most definitely want the same thing for his family too. A changed life combined with a passionate desire for others to experience Jesus the same way equals power, power to move the hearts of those close by.

Yes, ultimately it is still God who saves. But if God asked us to be laborers for the lost (Matt 9:37) and even uses us to reach lost souls (Rom 10:14), it only makes sense that a Christian can quite likely influence his family for Christ. On a more personal note, I've seen this for my dad. My Dad! But not for my grandpa, who has already passed away. So I guess I was a bit misleading. Though the fact remains that we are powerful tools in the hands of God, tools to reach our family. This verse, even if it doesn't promise that, reaffirms that through example.

Purity During a Relationship

This word has become a relic of days past in today's overwhelmingly sensual society. From the flamboyant displays of human flesh (male and female alike) to the changing definitions of friendship, we have fallen quite far from what God wanted and (even if you aren't Christian) what I believe is healthiest in a relationship.

Why is it that people are supposedly more attractive the less they put on? From an utilitarian point of view, why should we incite lust in people when that has such a strong correlation with crime? From an evolutionary point of view, isn't it ironic that we are regressing back to the caveman days when we were scantily clad when the whole point of clothing is to provide protection from the cold and from the sun?

As for the second thing I mentioned, that regarding friendship, I think we have made it closer to romantic relationships than they were supposed to be. If you're a guy, what is the difference between going out with a girl (ie. shopping) versus going out on a date with your girlfriend? To most people I've spoken to, it's in the mentality. Well, I think that's idiotic. Is holding hands less symbolic if you don't think anything of it? Is kissing meaningless and thus okay if you treat the other person as a friend only? And if you're a girl, does emotional intimacy mean nothing? Confiding always and spending so much time with your best friend (who happens to be a guy) is not as harmless as one might think. I'm sure that most people agree that physical intimacy should be reserved for a romantic relationship, but somehow emotional intimacy should be allowed free reign? Is it not often even more dangerous than the physical and its wounds deeper?

As for those already in relationships, is it now okay to do whatever you want? My Christian friends will most likely respond "no" to this question, or at least I hope. In our world today, people in relationships "touch" each other, be it holding hands or caressing hair or kissing, having sex, etc. But where do you draw the line? Does the Bible say anything about dating? Nope. But about relationships it does. And about purity it does. And about holiness, well, are you holy (different, set apart)  in your relationships? Are you different from your non-Christian friends in how close you get to your boyfriend/girlfriend?

I'm learning. I want to be pure. I'm not just talking sexual abstinence, I'm talking something far more than that. I don't want to do what everyone else does. I don't want my mind to be occupied with carnal desires. I want a focus on growth, growth towards God and from that intimacy with each other. I do admit that this is often in conflict with my flesh, very often in fact. But aren't we call to deny ourselves and pick up the cross daily?

Girlfriends and Relationship with God

I had originally wanted to write about my girlfriend, but God came out instead. Figures. It’s not entirely unrelated though. People sometimes don’t understand how Christians can be so fanatic about their God. But how can you not be fanatic about someone that wonderful? God is real, very much so. It’s not one of those things you proof, but it’s one of those things that is quite obvious once you have experienced it, kind of like a girlfriend.

People say girlfriends take up a lot of time and money… and patience, compromise, commitment, blah. It doesn’t take up a lot of money if you are smart about it (and fair). Plus, what’s a few bucks compared to seeing her happy? As for time… That’s true, it takes up a lot of time. But it’s all worth it! Why wouldn’t I want to spend all day with the girl that I like? It’s something that makes me happy. It’s the exact same with God. Why wouldn’t I want to spend all day with someone who not only makes me happy, but loves me so much more than I love Him?

You can say he’s not real and that he’s a crutch for those that can’t get through life. I challenge those who know me to say that. My faith is not blind, I have actual reasons for believing. And my God is not a crutch, I feel the happiest and most at peace when I’m praying or reading the Bible or just plain conversing with God. You want happiness? Pursue God. You want peace, have a relationship with Him. Like a girlfriend, you can think of a million reasons why it is disadvantageous. But once you step into that relationship, if it’s the right girl, those become non-issues. It’s the same for God.

Original: http://tcfish.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-my-girlfriend-taught-me-today.html

True Bachelor

After living alone for a few months, here's what I realized are things applies to a lot of bachelors out there. I'd like to clarify that the following may or may not be things I do, they are just observations...

1. Sometimes doesn't eat a meal not because he forgets, but because he is lazy and doesn't want to cook or spend the effort digesting.

2. Makes up for point #1 by eating tons and tons of meat when he does eat. And when he is seemingly out of meat, he digs through the freezer to find potentially 8-month old meat. Then he eats that... raw.

3. Takes off his shirt when he gets home from work, and then proceeds to cook, eat, clean, and even do some housework, all the while remaining shirtless. Who cares if the hot oil gets on his skin, at least it's not on his favorite shirt.

4. Goes a minimum of two days before showering. There is no upper limit, nor should there be one. Also never closes the door when in the bathroom, why should he?

5. Never gets bored because he can always find something to occupy himself with whether it be watching Anime, playing video games, programming, grunting, flexing, or applying expensive face cream.

6. Thinks of the most disgusting things that he does and not only does he do it as often as he pleases, he writes about it in an effort to repulse the world with his actions. Why? Because he's a man.

7. Wonders to himself how any girl could possibly like him.

Original: http://tcfish.blogspot.com/2011/06/true-bachelor.html

長大

小朋友總是相信大人所說的每一句話。
不管是聖誕老人的存在或著是吞掉鼻涕會生恐龍蛋，甚至連奇蹟都會相信。
他們會用充滿喜樂的眼神看著你，那滿臉期待得樣子沒有一絲毫疑惑。
他們不會因為害羞而不敢要求，反而會直接說出真心話。
這種單純不就是Mark 10:14所說的嗎？

所以...
他們不會擔心，因為大人說不會有事的。
他們不會傷心，因為有隻大而有力的手緊緊的牽著他們。
他們不會害怕，因為這隻手曾帶他們走過死蔭的幽谷。
他們不會絕望，因為他們還相信有奇蹟。

我到底是什麼時候長大的...
不, 我還是小孩，嗯。

Original: http://tcfish.blogspot.com/2011/06/blog-post.html

My Dad

God is not a concept. Nor is He a crutch for those unable to get by life on their own. And He is definitely not this mysterious, false entity that humans attribute to things they can't explain. He is someone we can have a relationship with and can get to know. He is Jesus and He is real. This is not a post to defend God or to convince people to believe, but only to retell what had happened. This is the story of how my dad came to know God, told from the perspective of a son who has craved this since he first believed.

My dad was Buddhist in the overwhelmingly traditional Taiwanese household he grew up in, turning agnostic and accepting of all religions as he started to think for himself. He was a realist, only facing only problems that arose in front of him, things that occur in everyday life. His spiritual state remained thus for many years, that is until he met the only Christian in my household: my mom. The thing is, his parents hate Christians; so much that my mom was not allowed to go to church or talk about Jesus after they got married. My mom however has always told my dad how she would pray for him and how the God she knows can help in many situations. My dad was still agnostic at this point, but really just listening to everything she said but responding to nothing.

From my conversations with him, he was adamant that we humans are the ones who, with our willpower, wills things to happen. And he refused anything I said about God being real and always referred to God as a human construct. Granted I didn't have a lot of time with him because shortly after I became a Christian, I left for the States. But still, my memories of him was of someone who would deny God to his grave, not a whole lot unlike my brother.

I know little else about what my mom has told my dad all these years, but I know what I told him three years ago. Most of you may already know this, but I used to be a student at Georgia Tech. Due to certain circumstances, I had to leave not just the school, but the country too. This was after three and a half years at that university and it sucked, a lot. I might go into more detail just how much this devastated me later, but the focus is on my dad right now. So three years ago, after God broke and remade me, I started fervently witnessing to my dad. At that time, I've been away to school and away from home for so long it almost felt alien to be living in the same house my parents lived in. My dad still never went to church with me the whole year I was with him but God's word was spoken in the house a lot.

In 2009, when I was in the airport ready to leave for Canada, my dad and I sat in McDonald's eating overpriced Big Mac's. I started telling him how much God meant to me and how real I think he is. I urged him to reconsider God and to ask my mom about it if he has any questions. This would probably be the last time my whole family lived together under the same roof, and I wanted my farewell to mean something. Later on that year I found out from my mom that my dad has been going to church, that he has even said things like "快點, 每次教會都遲到!" ("Hurry up, we're always late for church!") I was in Montreal at that time and I remember crying a bit then. My dad was going to church, and not just once or twice, but consistently!

Every once in a while my mom would tell me updates about how my dad is doing spiritually and it's always exciting to hear things like "We were praying for you today". The fact that he is even praying with my mom means that he's talking to God. He's seriously considering Christianity? The God conversation at the airport stuck? I didn't know what to think and that's when I remembered a prayer I made at Georgia Tech. I used to do Bible studies with my parents there and after one of those, I remembered being brought to my knees, tears streaming down my eyes and praying to God:

"God, you know my heart. You know how much I want this. Even my D-group members know this. I pray, I beg of you: Save my dad. I don't care what it takes. I don't care if I have to give up everything. I don't care if I have to leave the school and all my academics for my dad. I'd rather not have to die but God, if that's what it takes, so be it. Save him God..."

It went something like that, but longer and much less intelligible. God had answered my prayer. Without what had happened to me in the States I would not have had the opportunity to witness so much to him in Malaysia. And my family would not be in Canada now, my dad would not be going to church every week. If my grandparents found out, they'd be so pissed, probably a lot more pissed than when I refused to worship an idol. The work He was doing in my dad's heart was awesome and almost miraculous. Thinking back now, I totally underestimated God. You see, about a month ago, my dad accepted Christ.

My dad is saved! He is now a Christian! I'll be able to see him again in Heaven!

I went around to a lot of people just telling them the news. It was just that exciting. Now I'm just sitting in the living room, typing out all this and being reminded of just how awesome it is that my dad is a Christian. I've prayed, I've begged, I've wept for my dad for eight years. And it was way too long. I can't even imagine what it's like for my mom who has been doing it for much longer. But I do know that God is faithful, just looks at Acts 16:31. I know a lot of you has loved ones out there who refuses to believe and might even hate God. But I know for a fact that my God is mighty to save. He saved me and now my dad. You are no exception.

Original: http://tcfish.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-dad.html

To come

So much to write about, so much to tell. But with time flying by, I can hardly write well. In fact, over the past few years the caliber of my writing has fallen so much that if my old self were to read it, he would sigh, weep, and finally slap me in the face, disowning me for regressing so far back. Alas, that is not the main reason I'm writing. "At least one blog entry per month."

In a few days I'll write more, specifically about my dad, my roommate, my God, and my apparently amazing/adorable white friend... not necessarily in that order.

Original: http://tcfish.blogspot.com/2011/04/to-come.html

Addicted to Love

Hi, I'm Tony and I have a love addiction.

Despite knowing nothing about what love means, I find myself inextricably tied to it. I cannot live life without loving people. That is at any point in time there has to be someone that I love, that I care about. Lucky for me, I have a great family to both love and from which to receive the same, if not more. Furthermore, I have God, not that we loved him, but that he loved us. But the love I speak of is not mere love among family, nor is it platonic, nor is it Godly. As much as I hate to admit, it is often of a romantic nature.

I need someone to love, to care about, to pour my life into. I want to protect her, to comfort her, to see her smile, make her laugh, share her pain, and to simply hold her hand through life. I want to make sure that she knows that she'll always have someone to complain to, that when the world hates her I will love her, that in times when I fail God will not. To love a girl and submit to one another in perfect love, the kind of love that drives out fear. That type of love! That is what I want. The sad part is that I find myself falling in love with this image I have.

I love the concept of being in love. I love the idea of loving someone, the feeling of being loved back. I love having a person to share life with and to always be around. But this concept has long evolved from its original pure form... it has long lost all semblance of love. It almost seems that I treat having a love as more important than who that love is. It's as if all I need is to have love and that the direction of the love is irrelevant. Has the concept of love replaced the object that I am to love?

I have fallen in love with ministry and lost sight of why I'm doing it. I have fallen in love with leading bible studies, with memorizing scripture, with reading the Bible. That love has replaced the person that I'm doing it all for. I have fallen in love with knowledge and not with knowing God.

No, this is not love. It can't be. Love is about the person, not the motions we go through. Whether it is with her or with God, I will not fall in love with love itself. I refuse. Perhaps one day, when I finally break this addiction, I'll stop looking for substitutes and go for the real thing.

Original: http://tcfish.blogspot.com/2011/03/addicted-to-love.html

Recess

Last night was a night of Inception, Rock Band, and ping pong. This morning I had Catan, followed by meditation. A few nights before that, Conan and I had a nice conversation about relationships, after which I am more certain of the type of person I am, and with it the height from which I've fallen. The metaphorical ledge from which I've leapt was guided not just by faith (though I'd like to believe), but also by my encumbering pride, the one thing I feel I could never let go.

But my life is different, that I have no doubt. If you knew me before, you'd know that after I decided to follow Christ, my life has changed for the better. I view things with a new lens, the purpose of life is clearer. We are more than just masses of tissue, than chains of amino acids, than just carbon bonds waiting to be broken. No, there is more to life than this. The hate we have for injustice, the joy we share with our friends, the love we have for our family, the emptiness we feel even after the most epic of galactic battles... these emotions penetrates and will perpetuate throughout the rest of our lives.

My life is different. But in so many ways they remain the same. I still have the same need for gaming, the same fervor for logical reasoning, the same condescension for those around me, the same paradoxical behaviors that make up who I am. I want a 4.0 GPA but refuse to study diligently. I teach discipline but often fall to negligence. I like solitude but cannot help being with people, talking to those I care about, and missing those I like. Perhaps I should rephrase: I am not interested in a relationship right now but my subconscious seems to tell me otherwise. Not that I see anything bad with that last point, I am merely drawing attention to my own inconsistencies. As Cobb from Inception would put it: "It's my subconscious. Remember, I can't control it." And I assure you, you have no idea what I lock away in that safe in the darkest recesses of my mind. No idea.

Though following tradition, what I wrote is purposefully ambiguous, I can say this: I have many flawed fibers in my being, the imperfections I hide seeps out like a plague any time I fail to pay attention. Sometimes I'm forced to wonder: who will take me in this state? I myself am my biggest enemy. And who can save me from myself? 

But I know I can take refuge in the fact that someone already has. It will at least be a peaceful recess until my doubts creep in again.

My thought process

老了

我這次回台灣突然發現老了很多，
我認識的人有些畢業了在找工作然後有些已經工作很久了。
之前算學弟的都畢業了我這樣還有臉見人嗎？
要不是我臉皮超厚有完全不care他人的眼光我還能出去找朋友嗎？

我在加拿大就覺得很老了，那些18歲的小孩跟我差的真的很多，
好險我天生就長的＂幼齒＂。嗯。個性好像也是...
其實這次會覺得老很多是因為三件事情:
1. 我去醫院看我外公時遇到一個阿姨帶著六歲左右的小朋友。我們一起上電梯的時候阿姨就跟小孩講：＂問叔叔要到幾樓＂
小孩回：＂叔叔你要到幾樓＂
我說一樓。
然後阿姨又說：＂你看叔叔多乖，都沒有給護士麻煩＂
小孩竟然也對我說：＂叔叔你好乖喔＂
我完全沒辦法回他，只能笑笑的說＂對啊＂
我那時是第一次被陌生人叫叔叔，好悲傷喔。
2. 我去光華商場逛街時在一家電買一個3.5mm音響線跟老闆談到台幣升值和我現在沒錢。
他就問我：＂怎麼會沒錢？你今年年終獎金多少？＂
我看起來真的像已經工作那麼久的人嗎！？我是有在part-time寫程式，但我還故意打扮得有點學院風啊！其實也沒有，就戴眼鏡而以...
3. 再來就是去宜蘭的高山伯朗咖啡館時有一個年輕爸爸帶著4-5歲女兒看風景。
看到我過去就請我幫他們照相。我照完後他就跟他女兒講：＂說謝謝叔叔＂。
那小女孩是很可愛的對我笑，我覺得是太害羞了所以沒說話。
真的好可愛喔～
但這不是重點！為什麼我是叔叔！？為什麼？我明明就看起來一副大哥哥樣子啊！
我不要～　T.T

外帶一提，我剛跟我阿嬤看完夜市人生。想說這次回來要好好陪她。我隨便做什麼或說什麼她都好高興喔。看了我也好高興。
還有我用我的破爛台語跟她傳福音了，雖然她不接受但希望透過我跟她講的綜多事情她以後會改觀。這次竟然沒有說基督教的壞話而只是說她太老了。心軟化了！要多禱告。

黯然銷魂家

難得在台灣竟然會有半天的時間讓我休息，半天沒有約任何人或做任何事。

每一天不是約很久不見的朋友出來就是尋找從來沒吃過的美食。

現在體重暴增的很誇張... 如果有gym多好, 這樣就可以多多利用那些熱量...

那我這半天要做什麼呢？思考好了。

往窗外看，

曾經蔚藍的天空現在被濃厚的烏雲所蓋住，

每次返台起床都看不到太陽也感受不到清晨的溫暖。

這種天氣會讓人不想起床，起來了以後也會讓人漫無目的的在家裡閒晃。

我想念被黎明的曙光叫醒, 在有暖氣的房間慢慢的摺好棉被，穿好衣服。

然後在滿滿窗戶的家悠哉的度過沒有約會的一天。

啊～

好久沒有過這種生活了，好久沒有讓我感覺到時間是可以這樣子浪費。

還我太陽，還我溫暖，還我青春！

時間過的太快了，不知不覺我真的浪費了好幾年的青春...

No more.